


Break A Leg

by tiedyeflag



Category: The Property of Hate
Genre: Humor, plays, rgb in a dress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-10 21:45:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7862299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiedyeflag/pseuds/tiedyeflag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Melody is sick with a cold-which could turn into a depression, if not dealt with. Madras’s medicine should cure the musical creature, but Hero discovers a more interesting way to cheer her up…which involves RGB and the others to channel their inner actor or actress!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Break A Leg

The front door of The House of Paint creaked open as a young girl dragged an oversized blanket through it. She pulled it behind her while walking down the floating stairway, occasionally grunting from the weight. At last, she reached the bottom of the stairs, where a creature composed of musical instruments sat waiting, glumly.

“Hi, Melody.” Hero greeted. “I-I brought you a blanket!” She held it up hopefully, but Melody merely sighed and coughed, which sounded like an unorganized one man band.

“Um…” Hero thought, trying to come up with something to cheer up her friend. “J-Julienne picked it out.”

At hearing her wife’s name, Melody perked up slightly. However, her squeeze box contracted suddenly, jerked, and let out a loud but sickly note; a sneeze. As the musical monster sniffed back her cold, Hero threw the blanket over her harp of a body.

“Do you want anything else?” Hero asked. Melody swung her head left and right with her tambourine eyebrow sadly jingling.

“Okay…” The girl walked slowly towards the stairs, giving the sick creature one last look before ascending the path.

Just before Hero opened the door, she heard something hit against it from the other side. It was followed by a few more bangs, and an oddly elegant yet strident “ _YOU VILE, UNTRUSTWORTHY EXCUSE OF A MAN!_ ”

“Julienne, please, calm down!” replied another voice. “At this rate you’re going to tear the shop into pieces!”

The curious Hero cautiously opened the greenish-grey door, and peeked inside. She stepped through the doorway, hearing the source of the clamor deeper within. Her rubber boots made the wooden stairs creak slightly as she creeped down. By the time she reached the bottom, the outraged Julienne and cowardly RGB were still running around the room, with the former chasing the latter.

“YOU GET BACK HERE, YOU FOUL TRAITOR!” Julienne shrieked, stabbing her chocolate daggers in RGB’s direction. The agile monster dodged them with only an inch to spare.

“I was only trying to help!” He panted. “And trying to kill me isn’t going to help anyone! Especially me!”

“… _Ahem!_ ” Hero coughed loudly. The duo froze, with RGB hiding behind the sentient armchair and Julienne poised to slash the both of them into atom sized pieces.

“Um…I gave Melody the blanket.”

“How is she?” Julienne swiftly forgot about RGB and stood in front of Hero. She leaned over the girl, eager to know of the condition of her beloved wife. “Did she seem any better?”

“Not really…” Hero hung her head down, staring at her boots with disappointment.

“Well, it’s just a little cold,” RGB reassured as he crept out from behind the armchair. “She may be feeling blue now, but I’m sure after some rest she’ll be-”

“How DARE you take this so lightly?!” The confectionary bird demanded in his bright screen. He backed up while she hissed, “ _This_ is not just ‘a little cold’-and you know it! This kind of cold infects _happiness_ , and what is happiness when iced with frost, dead as an icicle? _Depression!_ ” She stretched out her wings to their full majesty in her conclusion. “And you expect me to just stand back and let my _wife_ succumb to DEPRESSION?!”

“I-I was not suggesting that we do _nothing!_ ” RGB cried. “I was just-”

“ENOUGH!” _STAP!_

“Aah!” The man sprinted away from Julienne’s daggers as they flew towards him, cutting up the floorboards in the process.

“A-HEM.”

This time Madras’s cough interrupted the duo’s mad chase. Everybody stopped and turned towards the eerily calm cyclops.

“Alright, you two; if you’re going to play cat and mouse, then do it outside.” She poured a shiny silver liquid into a flask already half filled with a lilac powder. “If you two wreck my home and shop, then I’m charging both of you extra.”

“But Melody’s out there,” Julienne said. “And I’m not involving her with this wretched man’s ideas.”

“I fail to see what’s so deplorable about offering to help make Melody’s medicine.” RGB huffed with a frown.

“You would ruin it, of course!”

“I would not! I know how to follow simple instructions!”

While the TV man and confectionery woman bickered, Hero crept towards Madras, sitting on top of her desk.

“Don’t worry about them.” The merchant sighed, now adding a sprinkle of blue dust into her concoction. “It’s better for them to fight with words than with fists; keeps my shop intact.”

“Is that Melody’s medicine?” Hero pointed at the vial in Madras’s hand.

“Yes, but it won’t be ready for a while. What sort of merchant would I be if I sold unfinished goods?” After glancing up at her arguing guests, she half-whispered to Hero, “And it’s a good thing neither of those two are helping; they’d butcher it up in the blink of an eye. It’d be a case of too many cooks.”

“Oh…so I guess there isn’t anything I can do, huh…”

Madras thought for a moment, staring into space with her coral pink eye.“…Actually, there is something you can do.”

“Really?” Hero nearly squealed.

“I haven’t seen Assok in a while…Starting to wonder where he is. I don’t suppose you could look for him?” She asked. “He should still be inside.”

“Okay!” Hero chirped and galloped away, starting her search down a nearby hallway.

The girl eagerly inspected every nook and cranny, anywhere a sentient sock could hide. Under a table cloth, inside a vase, behind a curtain…and finally found the tiny creature hiding beneath a cherry wood bureau.

“There you are!”

“Thair uar!” Assok sang back. Hero picked up the sock and stuck him into her coat pocket. She then studied the wide drawers of the bureau and their dusty metal handles. Curious as a kitten, the girl slowly grabbed one of the handles above her head and pulled it out. The drawer dropped to the floor with a loud KA-BANG, spilling out it’s contents.

Hero found a series of costumes littering the ground at her feet. She saw a plastic knight helmet and wooden sword amongst the mess, and was immediately drawn to them. While she put on the helmet, she heard footsteps approaching her. When the girl looked up, she saw RGB, Madras, and Julienne rushing towards her.

“Hero, are you alright?” Julienne bent over the girl, observing her for any injuries.

“We heard some loud noise and thought you were responsible for it.” RGB said cooly, trying to sound detached-there was no way he was going to tell her he was the first one to bolt down the hall with concern.

“I’m fine!” Hero chirped, just before the visor of her helmet swiftly slid over her face. She saw her friends through the bars of pretend iron. The girl pushed it back up with a grin. “Hey, look, I really _am_ a hero!”

“Hmm…yes, you do look more like a proper hero now.” RGB said, playing along. He picked up a glittery toy tiara and observed it. “Madras, may I ask why you have all of these costumes?”

“Not everyone can pay in rainbow ink, RGB.” Madras answered, and then glanced at Julienne. “Or sugar feathers.”

“So is there anything…special about these?” The graceful bird crept closer to the chest of drawers, pecking at the side with her chocolate dagger beak.

“The bureau has a near infinite amount of storage, but the costumes are just regular costumes. Nothing enchanting about them at all.”

Assok jumped to the edge of the fallen drawer, looked at the contents, and leaped in. The articles of clothing wiggled as the living sock explored their depths. After a few seconds, his head popped out wearing a tiny wizard hat and with an even tinier wand in his mouth.

“Look, you’re a wizard, Assok!” Hero picked him up to her face.

“Wizz ard! Wizz ard!”

“Heehee, yeah, a tiny wizard!” The young girl’s helmet fell over her face again, and she pushed it up yet again. She stared at the heaps of clothes at her feet, admiring all of their colors and designs.

“We’ve got enough costumes to make a play!”

The three adults and sock were quiet for a minute, letting the child’s outburst sink in. Finally, Assok broke the silence with a high pitched “Plae, plae!”

“Huh…? You like that idea?” Hero asked.

“Now that I think about it…” Julienne hummed. “We _do_ happen to have enough people to make a suitable cast…” She held a rose pink wing to her 'chin’. “And there’s ample space for a stage outside…”

The girl’s eyes lit up. “I get it! We could have a play for Melody to cheer her up!”

“Plaefo Melo dee!” Assok squealed. “Chee r'up!”

“Yes! It may even cure her depression!” Julienne nearly sang.

“It’s a cold, not a depression…yet.” Madras corrected, but with an amused smirk. “But the thought does sound entertaining… _doesn’t it, RGB?_ ”

RGB, who was in the midst of sneaking away down the hall, froze. Even several meters away, he still felt the cyclops’s stare behind his back.

“RGB? Where are you goin’?” Hero innocently asked, holding the visor of her slippery helmet.

“Um…uh…I-I was…g-going to the bathroom!” RGB stuttered with a flimsy confidence. He took another step, but felt Julienne’s ribbons wrap around his foot.

“I’ve heard you say many lies, RGB, but this one is the absolute worst.” She hissed, pulling him back with a mocking gentleness.

“I-I don’t mean to urinate! I mean to…uh…well…”

Julienne huffed impatiently and gave RGB’s leg a hard tug. With an unmanly yelp, he was dragged across the floor to the rest of them.

Hero knelt down to the monster and asked, “…You don’t like plays, RGB?”

“It’s not that I _dislike_ them, but…I…”

“You are going to be in this play whether you like it or not, and that’s final.” Madras proclaimed as she slid her arm around his broad shoulders, trapping him.

“And _we_ shall choose your role.” Julienne purred, wrapping her wing around RGB as well.

“That’s what I was afraid of…” RGB cringed.

The confectionery bird suddenly felt a gentle tug at her free wing. She looked down to see Hero holding her sugary feathers.

“I know a good story we can act out,” Hero said, “but we can make it _cooler!_ ”

“Well, then, let’s hear it, Hero.” Madras held out her free hand, extending her flexible fingers out to the girl. Hero stepped into the circle, and whispers bubbled amongst the unlikely group-and now, crew.

* * *

Melody’s brass instrument parts glimmered in the dim, silver starlight. Although fast asleep, the peaceful creature still seemed sickly. Occasionally her squeeze box made a dull, aching note, as if congested. Her body formed a bizarre shadow on the earth.

Her shadow was not alone, however; several other unusual shadows crept past her. Their owners carried armfuls of unknown materials, whispering orders to each other.

“Psst, RGB! Pass me the curtains!”

“Madras, must I _really_ wear this tomorrow?”

“I need a little help here-mmf!”

“Nie t! Pretee dwess!”

“ _SHHHH! Be quiet!_ Are you _trying_ to wake my wife, for goodness sake?”

* * *

“…Melody…” Julienne whispered to her sleeping wife. “Melody…wake up…”

The being of instruments stirred and woke up at a snail’s pace. She blearily looked up at the sugary bird.

“How are you feeling? Any better?”

Melody sneezed, sounding like a one man band in a mess. Julienne stroked her harp gently and knelt closer to the instruments that made up her face.

“There, there…” She buried her 'beak’ into her free wing, rummaged among the sugary plumage, and carefully brought out a small vial, balancing on her head.

“This is the medicine. Now say ah…”

Melody opened her mouth, making ample space between her lyre and panpipes. Using her knife to pop the cork, Julienne opened the vial and spilt it’s pale orange contents into her wife’s maw. The sick creature swallowed, and felt the citrus tasting liquid slip down her squeeze box throat.

“…so? How do you feel no-?”

_KA-THUMP!_

“Ow!”

“SHHHH! She’ll hear you!”

The two ladies immediately turned around. Melody was more surprised than her wife, who already knew of the crimson curtains sloppily suspended from two tall tree branches. She glanced at Julienne, making a confused D sharp as the whispers continued from behind the curtains.

“Honestly, how do women _walk_ in these blasted things?”

“Blas ted, pwetee!”

“Guys, she’s gonna hear us!”

Julienne turned towards Melody. “I know this is all a bit confusing, but you’ll see soon enough. Just stay here.” She sung, patted her harp one last time, and swiftly dashed through the curtains.

“So she’s awake?”

“Yes, and ready…And RGB, you _better_ not ruin this. Or else. _Understand?_ ”

“ _Sigh_ …yes, yes…but remind me how I got dragged into this?”

“There isn’t time; it’s show time!”

Melody heard the muffled clatter of footsteps, and tilted her tambourine unibrow in curiosity. Suddenly, after a split second of silence, a hand thrust out a piece of cardboard from behind the curtains, with the words, “SCOOTER’S CREW PRESENTS…” in sloppy marker handwriting with a doodle of a green scooter. The hand flipped it around, revealing more writing, but upside down. With an embarrassed “Oops!”, the sign was flipped right side up; now Melody could read “THE TWO AMAZING PRINCESSES” in glittery letters.

And then the curtains parted.

Two figures stood on the makeshift stage, and Melody nearly burst into musical laughter when she saw the familiar faces. To the left stood Hero, wearing a toy knight helmet with a green feather stuck in it, and holding a wooden sword. And to the right stood RGB, clad in a tacky pink princess dress and a tiny tiara where his boater hat usually was.

Somewhere from beyond the stage, Julienne’s voice ring out, like an invisible narrator.

“Once upon a time…in a far away kingdom…there lived two princesses in a majestic palace. One was brave and smart, and the other was refined and k…k…” The voice cleared her throat. “K-kind…”

RGB growled unkindly, crossing his arms in front of the oversized pink bow on his chest. Hero gently but firmly jabbed her elbow into him, reminding him of his role.

“Ahem…” He coughed. “…Oh, my fair sister, it’s such a lovely day, why don’t we go for a walk in our kingdom?” He recited, refraining from hissing his lines.

“Yeah!” Hero cheered, jumping like an untamed animal. “Let’s go explore the deep, dark woods! Right now!” The shorter princess grabbed RGB’s hand and tugged him off stage, nearly tearing off his elbow-length taffy colored glove.

“H-hey! Not so hard!” RGB cried as they disappeared off of the stage. The curtains were swiftly drawn, and Melody heard the flustered rhythms of footsteps and heaving objects-props, she supposed. Her suspicions were proven correct when the curtains revealed the stage again, now covered in cardboard silhouettes of pine green bushes and trees. The two princesses crept back onto the stage, eyeing the fake forest warily.

“See any monsters?” Princess Hero asked.

“N-n-no, and I h-hope we don’t.” RGB stuttered, acting like a timid girl. “I-I mean, we wouldn’t want to get…e-eaten alive before lunch, now would we?”

“C'mon, Princess Rainbow, where’s your sense of adventure?”

Melody covered her face with her symbols to contain her chuckle.

“Y-yes, well…” RGB growled, struggling to stay in character. “Why don’t we-ah-mosey back home to our castle?”

“Aw, Princess Rainbow, but what’s the point in exploring a big, dark, scary forest without fighting monsters! It’s what adventures are made of!”

“W-well, I-I’m not in the mood for that kind of adventure then!”

“What?” Hero nearly dropped her sword. She stepped closer. “But Princess Rainbow, you can’t mean that-”

“I mean it!” He barked, starting to genuinely get into his part. “Everytime I suggest doing something _civilized_ , you turn it into one big misadventure!”

“At least my ideas are _fun!_ ” Hero spat back, and the visor of her helmet slipped over her eyes once again. Shoving it back up, she continued, “All of your ideas are _boring!_ ”

“What’s so boring about…about…” RGB paused, then remembered his lines with the faintest cringe. “…h-having tea parties or royal balls?”

“What’s wrong with exploring the deep, dark woods?”

“What’s wrong, you ask? Simple; I, Princess…R-R-” He coughed with embarrassment. “R-rainbow, does not like these sorts of activities.” He bent over Hero, with her green feather nearly brushing his screen. “I don’t see why Chestnut here always has to drag me along like a helpless victim!”

“That’s PRINCESS Chestnut, to you!”

_“You don’t even look or act like a princess!”_

Hero scowled back at RGB as best as she could; she honestly didn’t mind being called un-princess like, but she had a role to here. And just like her character, 'Princess Chestnut’, turned on the heels of her green rainboots and marched away.

“Fine!” She yelled. “You go back home and do all of your princess-y stuff, and I’ll just stay here doing non-princess-y stuff!”

“W-what?! You can’t be serious!” RGB reached out to Hero, but she blew a nasty raspberry in his direction, and vanished from the stage. The man cowered, pretending to be afraid of the makeshift forest setting.

“P-Princess Chestnut, you can’t just l-leave me here a-all alone…Oh no…” Princess Rainbow shivered. “H-how am I going to get home now…? Princess Chestnut is the only one who knows how to escape the forest! I have to find my way back home before some hideous monster eats me!”

No sooner had he spoken those lines did one of the bushes shift closer to him, brushing against his lace lined dress. He feigned surprise as a short figure clad in a bright green sequenced dragon costume popped out, eyeing him hungrily with a single pink eye.

“Too late,” Madras hummed, and proceeded to swiftly wrap RGB in a long orange cloth, trapping him. “I’m the meanest dragon in the woods, and you look like you’d make a fantastic meal.” Licking her lips, she pulled her prize towards off stage, but RGB tripped and fell on his TV screen-kicking up the many, many frilly layers of his dress in the process.

Madras grinned, barely managing to contain her chuckle. “Well, it looks like I’ll have to drag the princess to my castle.” She hummed and tugged him away as he mumbled curses about “women’s footwear” under his breath.

“And so the timid Princess Rainbow was taken from the forest at the hands of an evil, ravenous dragon without a trace,” Julienne’s voice rang out. “Meanwhile…in a deeper, darker part of the forest…”

Hero returned to the stage, cutting the fake bushes with her wooden sword in frustration. “Hmph…Princess Rainbow isn’t any fun to be with, anyway…” She growled, dragging her feet. Her green feather drooped over her face, tickling her button sized nose.

“I can have all the fun I want without he-ah…ah…ah-ah-CHOO!”

 _SHUNK_ when her helmet visor over her eyes. With a huff, she shoved it back up, and stared out into the audience; at Melody, but pretending not to see her.

“Who needs her? All she does is complain about how dirty we get on my adventures! And whines at the maids to wash our stuff the moment we get home! A-and…” Princess Chestnut’s voice trailed off. “And she sometimes brings snacks with us so we don’t go hungry…and sing songs…”

Melody could barely make out RGB’s faint growl of disapproval from off stage.

“And…and keeps me company… _sniff_ …” She wiped her eyes, surprised at finding them moist. The girl took a deep breath, shook her head, and holding her knight helmet, said, “Maybe…Princess Rainbow isn’t so bad…wait.” She paused with wide eyes.

“Princess Rainbow…Princess Rainbow… _I left her all alone in the woods!_ ”

Hero dashed off the stage, knocking down a fake shrub as she left. The curtains lowered, and the sounds of people moving props and whispering to each other reached Melody’s ears again. She used her cymbals to wipe away the drops of water slipping out of the hollow holes of her eyes. It was as if all of the spit valves from her brass instruments had drained their contents to her face out of emotion.

* * *

“…Oh no!”

“What’s wrong, Princess Chestnut?” Madras the dragon asked. “And keep it down.”

“I think Melody’s crying!”

“Yes, but they’re tears of joy, Hero, not of sadness.” Julienne reassured, pushing a heavy miniature castle across the stage. “This play is working. It’s curing her cold!”

“Or it could just be the medicine.” RGB huffed from inside the castle, leaning out of the window. “And we would have never needed to put on this ridiculous-”

“Oh hush,” Madras snapped. “You make the perfect damsel in distress, anyway.”

“I-I’m not in distress for long! According to the script, I redeem myself-”

“RGB, it’s time! Get in here, hurry!”

* * *

For the third time that morning, the curtains squeaked open, revealing a new display of fake props. This time a cardboard castle sat to the left of the stage with fat bush cutouts surrounding its base. Princess Chestnut sprinted from the right, firmly holding her sword. The green feather of her helmet twitched erratically as she looked around her.

“Princess Rainbow! Princess Rainbow!” She called, “Princess Rainbow, where are y-” _SHUNK!_ “-where are you?!” Her voice sounded muffled from behind the disobedient visor. She lifted it from her eyes and gazed at the grey castle before her.

“…what’s a huge castle like this doing on the edge of the woods?”

“I can answer that,” A seductively low voice purred from off stage. “This is the home of the meanest dragon in the land, and if you value your life, then I suggest you turn back now and never return…”

“No,” Hero declared. “I won’t go home until I’ve found Princess Rainbow again!”

“A princess, hmm…? Funny, because I just happened to have a very colorful princess on my menu today.”

“What?!” She cried. “You plan to eat my only sister?! That’s it; who are you? Come on out!” Hero poised her sword in front of her, as if expecting a fierce animal to pounce on her at any second.

A window near the top of the castle opened, revealing RGB still wrapped tightly in orange fabric. Standing in front of him was Madras, smirking in her dragon costume.

“Well, well, well…what do we have here?” She leaned on an elbow as she stared at Hero from her high perch. “Looks like my main course attracted some dessert!”

“Release the princess right now!” Hero demanded. “Or else!”

“And lose my meal? I think not. Besides, what makes you think you can defeat me, the meanest, hungriest dragon in the land?”

“I am Princess Chestnut, the bravest princess in the lands! And I _will_ save Princess Rainbow!”

The dragon snorted and waved her hand dismissively. “Please. I’d sooner take a bite out of my TV dinner here than waste my time with you.”

“Then I’ll come up there!”

“How?” RGB cried. “I don’t have hair so you can’t ask me to 'let down my hair’!”

“And mine is too shor-I-I mean, I don’t have any either.” Madras stuttered, brushing her bangs back under the hood of her costume. “And you’ll have to go though my minion first…”

“Bring it on!” This time Hero purposely pushed down her visor for protection and bent her knees for a supportive stance.

“No, don’t Princess Chestnut-ut…pfft…” RGB suddenly held back a chuckle before continuing. “D-don’t! It is too powerful for you!”

Madras eyed RGB suspiciously before going with the script and snapping her fingers. The bushes then shook slightly, and one of them fell over. Sitting behind the cardboard bush holding a tiny wand in his mouth was Assok, wearing a cone shaped hat decorated with stars and moons.

“Behold, the wickedest wizard in the world, who is now my slave!” Madras declared. With a wave of her hand she ordered, “Now go, slave, and finish her off! She certainly will make a fine dessert…” She finished, licking her lips.

Hero eyed the tiny wizard through the gaps in her visor. Meanwhile, Assok gently placed his prop at where his feet would have been and glared at Princess Chestnut with his black button eyes.

“Dragn iz a but fae ss!”

…

“Pfft-!” Hero bent over before laughter fully claimed her. Melody let out a hearty guffaw and even Julienne from behind the curtains struggled to contain her giggles. From up in the castle, RGB chortled loudly, with his shoulders shaking with him.

Madras did not laugh, however; she glared at RGB with a stare menacing enough to rival Hate.

“ _You will pay for that,_ ” Madras mouthed to her still chuckling hostage. Then she leaned out the window and shouted, “Wicked wizard! Destroy Princess Chestnut or else YOU’LL become my dessert! Understand?!”

With that, she slammed the window shut with such force the castle nearly crumbled. Assok and Hero looked at each other, both bewildered; this wasn’t part of the script they had cram-rehearsed the night before.

“Ah…uh…chess nut!” Assok squeaked. “Chess nut but fae ss! Wizz rd dees roy!” The sock puppet stuck his head into his back end and pulled out a yellow and red party horn. He blew into it, making an squeaky honk and inflating a brightly colored paper.

“Er…hah! It’s going to take more than some fire breathing to beat me!” Hero shouted. “HiyaaAAH!” She swung her blade in a dramatic arch, and the two began their 'battle’.

Meanwhile, Julienne snuck closer to the castle and whispered, “Psst! Madras! RGB! What on earth are you _doing?!_ ”

“S-she’s trying to _kill_ me!” RGB cried, but sounded muffled from the cardboard castle.

“Then tell her to kill you later!” Julienne hissed as discreetly as she could. “I’m not letting you ruin the play! This is for Melody’s _happiness!_ ”

“But she-GACK! Ow, ow, ow! Madras, that hurts!” RGB’s yelp was nearly loud enough to be heard from the one person audience.

“SHHH! I don’t know what you two are doing, but whatever it is, _stop it at once!_ ”

“Well, _your_ advice isn’t-OWCH- helping much, either!”

The castle swung slightly by its two occupants. What they were doing the candyfloss bird had no idea, but knew if this kept up, then the whole castle would collapse.

“You two need to act like the adults you are and _stop whatever it is you’re doing in there!_ ” She spat in a semi-whisper.

This seemed to calm the unruly couple and the castle ceased its clumsy wobbling. A minute later, however, a crunch was heard near the base of the cardboard building. Hero and Assok paid it no mind, occupied with their 'fight’. It did not go unnoticed by RGB and Madras, however.

“W…what was that…?”

“…oh no….that’d better not be what I think it is-”

Another crunch, and the castle leaned to the right slightly. Julienne twitched and reached out her sugar ribbon legs to support the castle without drawing attention, but it was too late. Gravity claimed the weak structure, bringing it down to the ground with a rough thud.

Princess Chestnut and the wizard Assok froze, staring at the fallen castle. Melody tilted her head in wonder of how the show would go on.

The grey painted pieces of the prop shifted and jerked like a net surrounding a trapped, wild animal. After a few grunts and shakes, RGB stood victoriously out of the wreckage while holding Madras tied up in the orange cloth once constraining himself.

“H-hah! I’ve captured the meanest dragon in the lands!” Princess Rainbow proclaimed with pride, improvising as he went. “You should know better than to mess with the likes of a princess as handso-er, fair and intelligent as myself!”

“And YOU should know better than to meddle with the minions of a dragon such as MYSELF.” The dragon growled back. “Or else my castle would not have been destroyed.”

“RG-Princess Rainbow!” Hero beamed. Then, thinking fast, scooped up Assok in her arms. “I-I’ve got the wizard! And he doesn’t have his wand anymore, so now he’s harmless!”

“Marvelous.” The would-be TV dinner glared at his catch. “Now, for the crime of attempting to assassinate the princesses of the land via ingestion, and kidnapping one of the two princesses, as elder princess, I sentence you to-”

“Cen ten ss?” Assok asked from Hero’s arms.

“Er, to declare the punishment of an offender. And this dragon has made a terrible offense to us, and our land!” RGB cleared his throat. “Now, I sentence you and your poor excuse of a minion to-”

“Wait!”

“Hm?”

“We don’t have to… _punish_ them…do we?” Hero asked.

“…Well, to be perfectly honest…” Madras sighed. “…I’m willing to accept my punishment.”

“Wha-Oh!” RGB stuttered, realizing that she was returning to the original script. “Er, I mean…what on earth do you mean by that?”

“I assume you were planning to throw me into your palace’s dungeon with the other criminals who eat nothing but stale bread and cold soup every day…” She paused for drama. “With other people and a guarantee for food everyday…” She stared at the sky, pretending to feel melancholic. “…that sounds like a far better life than the one I currently have.”

“Pee pool! Phood evr eeday!” Assok mimicked as he looked up at Hero’s face. “But fae ss an assok loon lee!”

“You guys are…lonely out here…?” Chestnut held the wizard in front of her so she could look at him head on. He gave her a nod, nearly shaking off his pointy hat.

“Hm…” Princess Rainbow stared at the dragon in his catch. “Well, I still believe that these two troublemakers should still receive-”

“…A second chance?”

“Yes, I-W-wait, _what?!_ ” He stuttered, nearly dropping Madras. “Did you hit your head while fighting the wizard?”

“No! Besides, I’m wearing a helmet!” Hero tapped her hard helmet, which accidentally prompted the visor to slip for the hundredth time in the play.

“Then what on earth possessed you to even think that? Giving the meanest dragon in the lands a 'second chance’! And after she nearly _ate_ me!”

“…oh…” Hero looked at her green boots through her visor. “…so…I guess you don’t want to give me a second chance, either…”

“You? A second chance? At what?”

“When we fought earlier! I was really mad and…I just left you in the middle of the woods. And look what happened!” Princess Chestnut cried. “You were nearly dragon food! We could have BOTH been dragon food!” She paused. “…and it’s all my fault…”

RGB was silent. He rubbed the toe of his high heel shoe into the ground as he pondered what Hero said, loosening his grip on Madras ever so slightly. Finally, with a drop of magenta ink dripping off of his TV set, he said, “…Of course I’m going to give you a second chance, Hero-uh, P-princess Chestnut.”

The shorter princess hastily lifted her visor to look directly at the other. “R-really?”

“Oh, come now, Chestnut, you just saved my life from the hands of _this_ repulsive creature,” He held the dragon a bit higher for emphasis. “And it was just a petty argument. A refined princess like myself can shake off a little sisterly bickering.”

RGB suddenly saw the shiny wetness of Hero’s eyes. His antennae twitched in confusion. Then, without warning, she ran up to him and hugged his legs with her arms digging into the frilly pink dress. Princess Rainbow flinched; this was NOT part of the script and…oh no…oh no no no no no. No you are NOT hugging her back no you’re not absolutely not what are you talking about?

Hero gasped lightly as RGB’s free hand curled rather affectionately around her. They remained in this awkward embrace for a few long, lingering seconds before Madras cleared her throat.

“Well this is all very sweet and all…” She blinked, and cleared her throat again; she had to improvise and return to the script. “Oh my… _sniff_ …this is so t-touching…” Madras croaked, struggling to stay in character of her role. Thank heavens for her constant flow of sickly yellow tears from her eye. Assok came to her aid, rubbing his nose into Hero’s jacket as if wiping a runny nose.

“Shweet! Tuh ching!”

Hero held out Assok, stared at him, and then glanced to the dragon. After a pause, she turned towards RGB. “Princess Rainbow, do you know what time it is?”

“Let’s see…since the time we left the palace, I’d say it’s around lunch time.”

“And the meanest dragon didn’t get her lunch, now did she…?”

“Of course not, you interve-wait…are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting…?”

She nodded her head eagerly.

“But-but…oh, alright,” RGB huffed. “…and I suppose you want me to-?”

She nodded again with an even bigger grin.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

She nodded her head yet again, with a stern gleam in her eyes.

“You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?”

“Princess Rainbow, my neck’s getting tired.”

RGB sighed, placed Madras down, and reached for the orange fabric entrapping her. He tugged at the material, trying to untie his friend, but this only tightened its grip. She heaved as the air was forced out of her lungs.

“A-ack…c…c-can’t breathe…”

“W-whoops!” Princess Rainbow’s hands flew away and hid in his fluffy pink dress. He shrugged as he said, “Why don’t we wait until we get home and have the palace servants untie her?”

“Aah? Ho mm?” Assok squeaked. “Untahee?”

“That’s right,” Hero tapped the tip of his 'nose’. “We’re taking you two with us back home! So you guys aren’t lonely and hungry anymore!”

“Arnt loon lee any moor?”

“You two will have to receive some punishment, of course.” RGB added.

“Rainbow!”

“I don’t mean in the dungeon! I just want them to…to do some community service.” He scratched his 'chin’ as he spoke. “Perhaps…oh, I don’t know…washing dishes? Mopping the ballroom?”

“You’re…willing to let me go?” The dragon asked.

“ _Only_ if you complete your community services on good behavior. _Then_ we will consider letting you go.”

“I’ll…I-I'll…” Madras gulped back her mild repulse at what she had to say next. “…I’ll clean every toilet in the kingdom if I have to!”

“Then it’s settled!” RGB clapped his hands. “You’ll clean every bathroom-”

“RAINBOW!”

“Sorry, sorry, heh heh…” He chuckled. “Couldn’t help myself.”

“We’re going home,” Princess Chestnut declared. “Together!”

“Too gethr! Too gethr!” The wizard sang and leaped onto Hero’s helmet.

Princess Rainbow brushed her dress and sighed with relief. “Finally, we are getting out of this dreadful forest!”

And so the four walked off of the stage while Julienne’s voice reverberated in the air.

“The two amazing princesses finally returned to their home, with their new companions in tow. The dragon and the wizard were sent to cleaning the royal ballroom for a year, but they became wonderful friends to the princesses, who had learned to get along again. From that point onwards… everyone lived happily ever after…”

The curtains closed, ending the play. Melody, with a wide grin on her pipes, stomped her cymbals in applause. A minute later the cast strolled in front of the curtain, all lined up. Madras the dragon, Hero and RGB the princesses, Assok the wizard, and Julienne the invisible narrator. They bowed, and Melody stamped her feet even harder.

Hero quickly straightened herself and immediately dashed towards the one person audience.

“So did you like it? Did it cheer you up?”

Melody’s tambourines jingled as she nodded her head up and down. She nuzzled Hero in appreciation, eliciting the girl’s cheery giggle.

“Looks like your depression has been cured,” Julienne said as she glided towards the two. “Whether it was due to the medicine or this wonderful play, I do not know. But all that matters to me is that you’re alright.” She stretched out her cotton candy wings and wrapped them around Melody and Hero. As Melody purred, Hero stuck her head out between the sweet scented feathers to peek back at the stage.

Meanwhile, Madras flipped the hood of her costume off of her head, showing off her sophisticated short hair. “Phew, finally…I thought I was going to melt in this thing.” The cyclops grabbed the hem and pulled it upwards.

“M-M-Madras-! You can’t-” RGB stampered.

“Relax, you pervert, I’m wearing an undershirt.” Madras deadpanned, and took off the dragon outfit. Beneath the shiny green costume she wore a plain, pale pink undershirt, just like she said.

“I’m not a pervert! I was just…how was I supposed to know-?!”

The dream merchant smirked. “Well, despite the risk of dying from heat stroke, I’d say this play was well worth my time. Especially considering I had the perfect opportunity to torture you…” She finished with a chuckle.

“Well, I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.” RGB huffed, sitting on the remains of the castle and pulling off his uncomfortable high heels.

“I don’t suffer fools gladly, RGB. You should know that better than anyone.”

“Considering that you _coerced_ me into this absolutely _ridiculous_ outfit, I felt justified in that little prank.”

“And here I thought you had a more refined sense of humor.”

“And here _I_ thought you had a more refined sense of fashion.”

Madras shrugged. “It’s the only dress we have, and you’re the only one who fits it.”

RGB sighed, silently giving up on the argument. He gathered the ruffles of his dress and stood up; how he’d _love_ to take this absurd thing off, but walking around outside in just his boxers didn’t sound like an appealing idea to him.

“RGB!”

He turned around to Hero’s call. The girl stood in front of him with her helmet and sword in her hands. “It worked! Melody’s okay now!”

“Splendid, then that means we can change out of these and continue on our way.”

“Ooh! Can we take a group picture first?”

“W-what?”

“Y'know, a picture of everyone in our costumes! That way we-”

“Can give Madras something to blackmail me on? No thank you.” RGB picked up his dress and briskly walked away, towards the stairway leading to The House of Paint.

“RGB, wait!”

He turned around.

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese?”

“I said-”

“Pretty pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese?”

“Hero, I-”

That’s when he noticed how the rest of the gang was staring at him from behind Hero, who was innocently oblivious to them. Between their semi-evil glares and Hero’s large eyes…

“…Oh alright, fine!” He huffed, crossing his arms. “But just this once. And as long as Madras promises never to show the picture to Dial.”

“Fair enough.” Madras purred, pulling her costume back on. “I’ll go get the camera.” She ascended the stairway, leaving the others behind.

Hero tugged at RGB’s dress, and the monster looked down at her.

“We should do this again sometime!”

“Yes, a terrific idea. Why don’t we in, oh, a century or two?”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this is probs gonna be the final old fic i post here. Behold, one of the longest, and silliest, tpoh in the world XD  
> And the “scooter’s crew” is a reference to the heart-wrenching tpoh au by rusharound on tumblr. ^u^


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